I Believed in Father Christmas

Luke: My name is Luke. I'm 12. I'm into music and science, and I'm a Christian. Except, I'm not sure about that last bit anymore. I want to believe, like it's something I can make myself do. I don't want to lose it.

But it was the same with Father Christmas. I totally believed in Father Christmas, and I carried on believing in him long after all my friends stopped, long after I knew, really, deep down that he didn't exist. But I loved the idea of him - the magic and the mystery. I wanted to believe, so I did. But it couldn't last forever.

One year I asked my mum if Father Christmas was real. She didn't know what to do with her face. She smiled, but then realised I was afraid to hear the truth, and she looked so sad. I wasn't her little boy anymore.

Is that what this is? Am I just growing up? But it can't be that because Mum and Dad and everyone at church still believe in God and Jesus and miracles. They say that God must exist because who created the world and all the animals? But you can explain it with science.

We went to the zoo on a school trip, and Miss Wilson - our science teacher - gave us some questions to do. One was, "The human neck has seven bones. How many do you think a Giraffe has?" I thought, must be 50? 100? And then we found the answer: seven.

A giraffe has exactly the same number of neck bones as a human. Miss Wilson says it's because we evolved from the same fish or something. Mum and Dad said a giraffe has seven bones in its neck because that's the way God designed it. But I dunno. You can prove science, but you have to believe in God. Can you do both? Miss Wilson runs the Christian Union at school, so... maybe?

Sophie in my form won't say prayers in assembly because she's a Humanist. She says that we only have one life, and that it's up to us to make everyone's lives better now, because she doesn't believe in Heaven or Hell or God. She's an atheist. Is that what I am? Or an agnostic? Sophie says that's someone who can't make up their mind if there's a God or not.

 And what about all the other kids in my form? Hamza and Ayesha are Muslims, Malathi's Hindu, Dilpreet's a Sikh. Who's right? Or maybe we're all right in different ways.

 Dilpreet's great. Eurgh! His Gurdwara gives out food to homeless people and runs a clothes bank. I think they do more than our church!

 But church is pretty much my life when I'm not at school. Sunday, I go to the family service in the morning and the worship service in the evening. Tuesday night it's house group, Thursday night it's band practice, Saturday it's youth club, and then it's Sunday again. Most of my friends are at church. I feel safe there.

 But I've got my Baptism soon. I've got to stand up in front of everyone and say I believe in God and Jesus and everything. What would Mum and Dad say if I told them I didn't want to go through with it?

 My name is Luke. I'm 12, I'm into music and science and... and I'm still working everything else out.